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Post by tinyrobotman on Jun 14, 2018 21:44:14 GMT
Since I learned about attachment I've been observing how attachment style plays out in the characters in movies and TV shows. In some ways watching fictional characters struggle with the same issues is reassuring. Here's a few I've noticed and please add your own:
500 Days of Summer: This movie is really all about the anxious/avoidant trap and has been discussed at length. I remember watching this movie after breaking up with my ex (FA) as well as my recent friendzone (FA/DA) disaster. The part's with the split screen and you see how Tom interprets things vs. reality is how a lot of us AP's see the world.
Better Call Saul: The dynamic between Jimmy (the future Saul) and his brother is an obvious anxious/avoidant family relationship. Jimmy is clearly AP and displays a lot of protest behavior while his brother is avoidant and experiences the imaginary electricity allergy in order to avoid dealing with his feeling about his divorce and Jimmy. Jimmy's is constantly trying to get close to his brother but is always pushed away. Kim is likely secure and is a great stabilizing influence on Jimmy.
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Post by leavethelighton on Jun 15, 2018 1:14:43 GMT
I haven't seen any of the above so can't comment, but I find it realy interesting too. It seems to me that the vast majority of movies and music involve attachment issue. Certain tropes come up over and over-- music is often the DA-AP dance, movies often the DA (in film it seems to usually be a man) who gets turned to more secure by a love relationship by a patient person (usually a woman), or the two DAs who strive for and actually end up together, or the AP who spends most of the movie trying to get a DA but realizing the folly of that by the end and ending up with a secure person, or an AP ending up with a DA but the film ends while we think they still have a chance.
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Post by tnr9 on Jun 15, 2018 2:18:46 GMT
I haven't seen any of the above so can't comment, but I find it realy interesting too. It seems to me that the vast majority of movies and music involve attachment issue. Certain tropes come up over and over-- music is often the DA-AP dance, movies often the DA (in film it seems to usually be a man) who gets turned to more secure by a love relationship by a patient person (usually a woman), or the two DAs who strive for and actually end up together, or the AP who spends most of the movie trying to get a DA but realizing the folly of that by the end and ending up with a secure person, or an AP ending up with a DA but the film ends while we think they still have a chance. I agree..movies make what logically seems impossible..possible...and my APness laps it up. |
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Post by leavethelighton on Aug 31, 2018 0:47:18 GMT
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Post by leavethelighton on Sept 5, 2018 0:23:35 GMT
The other night we watched the movie "Leap of Faith" (1992) and it was a fascinating portrayal of an avoidant.
SPOILER AHEAD
SPOILER AHEAD
The beginning of the film is full of distancing behaviors (including his being racist and sexist and just plain rude, and kind of a lady's man where you wonder how it is he so often got the lady) but we eventually find out his mother literally abandoned him as a child on a streetcorner.
By the end of the movie he has learned to have more emotional compassion and even leaves his best friend his garnet ring in a grand gesture, but he also hits the road in the dark of night presumably never to be heard from again.
I found it interesting that in the end while there is some redemption, he doesn't switch over and become someone capable of commitment-- it isn't one of those movies where the love of a more AP or secure person turns him less DA. He still responds to his more tender moments by just walking away, but in the context of the movie we understand why he did it.
Fascinating stuff.
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Post by alexandra on Oct 8, 2018 20:20:00 GMT
If anyone has watched BoJack Horseman, BoJack is extremely FA. I'm in the middle of season 5, and there's an episode that's literally a 25 minute monologue, and it's stream of consciousness insecure attachment! The whole series really chronicles why he's the way he is and the multi-generational trauma that caused it. Also, if you're into it after the first few episodes, you'll find it to be a brilliant show (seasons 1, 2, and 4 are phenomenal). When it's not being intensely deep, it's also very funny.
I also think almost every major soap opera character is AP... the desperation and protest behavior create so much drama!
Also agree with leavethelighton, a lot of pop culture TV/movie plots are about insecure attachment. Which I think makes it hard for those of us who are actually insecure because it normalizes behaviors and thought patterns that may not be healthy when there's not as much secure behavior depicted to weigh it against. And as tnr9 said, then we get fantasy endings that we believe can happen if everyone stays persistent enough! |
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Post by leavethelighton on Nov 15, 2018 2:30:43 GMT
There's an interesting plotline in the most recent episodes of "The Good Place" (like really the most recent few episodes)
Various characters are reflecting on their childhoods and how they influence their adulthoods, and even going back to reconcile with family members from their past. There's also a rather DA-ish character exploring the question of what love means to her.
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Post by leavethelighton on Dec 4, 2018 2:43:58 GMT
Anyone watch "Maniac" on Netflix?
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Post by chipper on Dec 6, 2018 1:05:02 GMT
I saw "Home Before Dark" the other night at a bar. So much attachment going on there. AP wife married to a DA husband, he's gaslighting her the whole time. Great flick to watch for attachment issues. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Home_Before_Dark_(film) |
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Post by alexandra on Dec 21, 2018 22:34:00 GMT
Anyone watch "Maniac" on Netflix? This is next on my list. |
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Post by leavethelighton on Dec 22, 2018 0:53:57 GMT
Anyone watch "Maniac" on Netflix? This is next on my list.
There are some great episodes, and some bizarre ones, but if you get all the way through I think it's a really interesting expression of the sorts of dynamics we discuss on these boards.
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Post by faithopelove on Dec 22, 2018 9:14:37 GMT
If anyone has watched BoJack Horseman, BoJack is extremely FA. I'm in the middle of season 5, and there's an episode that's literally a 25 minute monologue, and it's stream of consciousness insecure attachment! The whole series really chronicles why he's the way he is and the multi-generational trauma that caused it. Also, if you're into it after the first few episodes, you'll find it to be a brilliant show (seasons 1, 2, and 4 are phenomenal). When it's not being intensely deep, it's also very funny.
I also think almost every major soap opera character is AP... the desperation and protest behavior create so much drama!
Also agree with leavethelighton, a lot of pop culture TV/movie plots are about insecure attachment. Which I think makes it hard for those of us who are actually insecure because it normalizes behaviors and thought patterns that may not be healthy when there's not as much secure behavior depicted to weigh it against. And as tnr9 said, then we get fantasy endings that we believe can happen if everyone stays persistent enough! Hey, Alexandra- I’m going to check BoJack out- I’m looking for a good TV series. The only show I watch regularly now is Modern Family! Talk about personalities Lol! Also- all your comments on all the various forums have been helpful and resonate so deeply with me- you articulate my feelings and all the attachment systems so well...thank you! 🙂 |
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Post by alexandra on Jan 3, 2019 20:02:21 GMT
There are some great episodes, and some bizarre ones, but if you get all the way through I think it's a really interesting expression of the sorts of dynamics we discuss on these boards.
It's much harder for me to discern attachment styles when they have actual mental illness overlaid, so I wasn't quite sure... I think she's DA and he's AP through most of it? But could also see either him or her being FA (and based on her diagnosis, I think that's more commonly an FA-associated thing)! All the parent-child depictions were interesting, even for secondary characters. Lots of enmeshment -- don't enmesh your kids!!! Now I'm watching You, which is trashy, but halfway through seems to be what can happen when a psychopath gets obsessed with an FA. |
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Post by leavethelighton on Jan 5, 2019 0:56:49 GMT
At this point I am so confused about diagnosing anyone's attachment style including my own that I don't know whether it seemed more AP-DA or AP-FA (I think when I watched it, seemed mroe AP-DA) but yes! I like how they evolve too, closer to "secure" in the end. They learn to trust, to have more reliability with each other. The parents were ridiculous.
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Post by alexandra on Jan 5, 2019 6:54:34 GMT
If you can get over the trashy part, "You" actually ended up being very interesting in terms of attachment. The psychopath, who is very AP, dates both an FA woman and a secure woman, and comments on the contrast a lot (though doesn't use attachment theory terms). Even the contrasts around the stability of the different types of friends they all have seemed pretty spot on. And psychopathy aside, it seemed very accurate in the way the style pairings would play out. There's also a plot arc that involves the FA and the psychopath both going to individual therapy and the show sits in on their sessions. Of course, later on it gets back into being a crime thriller and gets appropriately preposterous, but it was more thought-provoking than I thought it could be as a heightened (for melodrama) character study.
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