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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2018 1:38:51 GMT
call a DA, they have all the power. š± I believe Liz already claimed that position a few comments back!! š®āāļø dagnabbit. fOiLeD aGaIn!!!!! |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2018 1:47:42 GMT
And Iād like the risk to continue to fall on men as I donāt like to be the pursuer; however, attempting a kiss and possibly being rejected or not is par for the course in a dating circumstance but inappropriate unwelcome physical touch is another story completely. I refuse to view the man as some kind of sad and misunderstood victim bc he thinks itās ok to trample oneās physical boundary in an attempt to selfishly meet his own needs. The womanās desires should always be taken into account. Secure men and insecure men with common sense get this. Well, thanks for devaluing my lifeās experience. This could go on and on as a battle of the sexes, but surely this is about understanding. Itās interesting that youāre happy to hand over the risk, but when it goes pear shaped because of a lack of ācommon senseā (which, if that was the issue, none of us would need to be here), youāre the first to complain. Iāve only ever been in one situation where I could possibly have been seen as taking liberties, and that was on a second date when I kissed her on the cheek. It triggered her and she sent me a long message to that end. We never saw each other again. Just to put it out there, Iām not defending the creep. Entitlement is distasteful no matter how it is expressed. , I don't think anyone is trying to devalue your life experience. This is the age old battle of the sexes. There is inherent risk on both sides of the equation no matter who makes the first move (which I don't think is what is being talked about in this thread, difference between making a first move versus relentless groping). Men are at risk of being seen as creepy, etc but women are called slutty, tramps, whores etc if they are too forward or too "easy". Men are not being singled out. The risks, the bias, and the labels are on both genders. |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2018 2:08:11 GMT
If it was that bad, go to the police. Otherwise, learn to recognise and defend your boundaries - the discussion was actually about perceptions around that. Plus also, @faithhopelove, check your facts - such as where you stated I posted statements that I didn't. sorry i still can't believe someone typed this and hit "create post". ok, carry on: |
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Post by mrob on Nov 16, 2018 2:08:43 GMT
Well, thanks for devaluing my lifeās experience. This could go on and on as a battle of the sexes, but surely this is about understanding. Itās interesting that youāre happy to hand over the risk, but when it goes pear shaped because of a lack of ācommon senseā (which, if that was the issue, none of us would need to be here), youāre the first to complain. Iāve only ever been in one situation where I could possibly have been seen as taking liberties, and that was on a second date when I kissed her on the cheek. It triggered her and she sent me a long message to that end. We never saw each other again. Just to put it out there, Iām not defending the creep. Entitlement is distasteful no matter how it is expressed. , I don't think anyone is trying to devalue your life experience.Ā This is the age old battle of the sexes. There is inherent risk on both sides of the equation no matter who makes the first move (which I don't think is what is being talked about in this thread, difference between making a first move versus relentless groping). Men are at risk of being seen as creepy, etc but women are called slutty, tramps, whores etc if they are too forward or too "easy".Ā Men are not being singled out.Ā The risks, the bias, and the labels are on both genders. I agree about the risk. Thing is, though, you canāt go to jail for ābeing easyā. As a man, the definition of untoward behaviour is very broad. In fact, an accusation doesnāt have to be proven to lose oneās career. I actually see this whole gender minefield as changing for the better. Itās been one hell of a change in our lifetime, but I see younger ones actually seeing men and women as people, and that has to be a good thing. |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2018 2:12:12 GMT
by the way, i have had negative comments directed at me personally that were insulting, by epicgum, because he was triggered by a thread and needed to say something negative and insulting about DA's. i didn't let it explode my head. so there is some serious hypocrisy in this thread about labeling and saying negative things about people. it's hypocrisy and it's getting a lot of space here. but.... nobody died. š |
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Post by mrob on Nov 16, 2018 2:22:20 GMT
Weāre all going to get triggered, and really challenged here. This is tough stuff that (I think) most of us didnāt know existed under the veneer of social norms and customs. Most people donāt even look at this stuff.
My grandfather had a crude, but appropriate saying... āOpinions are like a$&holes, everybody has oneā.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2018 2:34:30 GMT
Weāre all going to get triggered, and really challenged here. This is tough stuff that (I think) most of us didnāt know existed under the veneer of social norms and customs. Most people donāt even look at this stuff. My grandfather had a crude, but appropriate saying... āOpinions are like a$&holes, everybody has oneā. my favorite saying! the other is "get off your high horse!" lol hugs mrob |
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Post by faithopelove on Nov 16, 2018 3:07:58 GMT
If it was that bad, go to the police. Otherwise, learn to recognise and defend your boundaries - the discussion was actually about perceptions around that. Plus also, @faithhopelove, check your facts - such as where you stated I posted statements that I didn't. sorry i still can't believe someone typed this and hit "create post". ok, carry on:Ā Yes, unbelievable |
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Post by faithopelove on Nov 16, 2018 3:16:08 GMT
mrob, I don't think anyone is trying to devalue your life experience.Ā This is the age old battle of the sexes. There is inherent risk on both sides of the equation no matter who makes the first move (which I don't think is what is being talked about in this thread, difference between making a first move versus relentless groping). Men are at risk of being seen as creepy, etc but women are called slutty, tramps, whores etc if they are too forward or too "easy".Ā Men are not being singled out.Ā The risks, the bias, and the labels are on both genders. I agree about the risk. Thing is, though, you canāt go to jail for ābeing easyā. As a man, the definition of untoward behaviour is very broad. In fact, an accusation doesnāt have to be proven to lose oneās career. I actually see this whole gender minefield as changing for the better. Itās been one hell of a change in our lifetime, but I see younger ones actually seeing men and women as people, and that has to be a good thing. āEasyā is a judgment call and a woman canāt go to jail for the label any more than a man can be charged for being a jerk- but accusations for actual crimes with evidence stick...and that goes both ways and should. If a woman takes advantage of a man or boy...happens less, but if it happens she is susceptible to charges same as anyone else and is also innocent until proven guilty. This whole biased thing and talk of ātriggersā is irrelevant to me bc I brought up a date- one isolated experience between myself and a man. An experience I had every right to perceive as offensive. Why that triggers all the guys is something they should consider...and if it makes them think twice before advancing physically then thatās not a bad thing. Iād call that progress. |
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Post by faithopelove on Nov 16, 2018 3:24:52 GMT
mrob, I don't think anyone is trying to devalue your life experience.Ā This is the age old battle of the sexes. There is inherent risk on both sides of the equation no matter who makes the first move (which I don't think is what is being talked about in this thread, difference between making a first move versus relentless groping). Men are at risk of being seen as creepy, etc but women are called slutty, tramps, whores etc if they are too forward or too "easy".Ā Men are not being singled out.Ā The risks, the bias, and the labels are on both genders. I agree about the risk. Thing is, though, you canāt go to jail for ābeing easyā. As a man, the definition of untoward behaviour is very broad. In fact, an accusation doesnāt have to be proven to lose oneās career. I actually see this whole gender minefield as changing for the better. Itās been one hell of a change in our lifetime, but I see younger ones actually seeing men and women as people, and that has to be a good thing. Good- sounds like you shouldnāt had any qualms about my feelings toward this creep date. I donāt see an issue that men are usually left in the position to pursue and naturally desire to do so- they should have little problem doing that without breaking the law if they lead with their brain and not their pants. Win/win |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2018 3:49:22 GMT
i do feel like a trigger took over this thread and diverted it from the original request for help.
this wasn't even a post about AP/DA trap, or skewed thinking and a pity party for a toxic self...
it's an AP poster recognizing she was unable to stand up or herself and found herself violated and negatively impacted by a first date's entitlement to her body.
she was asking for support to help her grow in her ability to care for herself and assert boundaries.
i mean; it wasn't even a whine.
it wasn't a ridiculous hate fest.
it was one woman's account of a scary and upsetting encounter with a man who touched her without her consent and she felt frozen and unable to respond in a way that protected herself.
it's not about anything other than that.
if you're triggered, be triggered- but does it have to be all about the trigger? i mean, at least offer something constructive to a poster who is working on growth.
not saying everyone has to agree, not saying that at all.
but dear god make your own thread instead of ranting all over someone else's.
most of what was posted here didn't belong in my opinion. and it wasn't just a diversion, that happens. it totally invalidated a true violation.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2018 4:33:17 GMT
If it was that bad, go to the police. Otherwise, learn to recognise and defend your boundaries - the discussion was actually about perceptions around that. Plus also, @faithhopelove, check your facts - such as where you stated I posted statements that I didn't. and then this post , after all that.... exactly what OP was trying to do when she asked for help by starting this thread. this is just stupid. |
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Post by faithopelove on Nov 16, 2018 5:41:08 GMT
If it was that bad, go to the police. Otherwise, learn to recognise and defend your boundaries - the discussion was actually about perceptions around that. Plus also, @faithhopelove, check your facts - such as where you stated I posted statements that I didn't. and then this post , after all that.... exactly what OP was trying to do when she asked for help by starting this thread. this is just stupid. Thank you for being you ā¤ļø |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2018 5:46:40 GMT
In response to being blamed for something I didn't do, my comments labelled and when providing help on how to learn to protect your boundaries. Nad being told it's OK to be sarcastic such that another forum member deleted their post. I am merely defending my boundaries, whats so weird is the sarcasm was directed at you and your silly comments, and another poster had to jump in and rail against and delete her account about comments that were not even directed at her. i mean, what? maybe she deleted her account because i have a boundary about getting in another circular conversation with her. last time we interacted much it was on a thread where she admitted she went off on tangents and was mostly trying to figure out her ex by engaging. what resulted was her totalky missing things in the dialog because she was concerned about her ex rather than the topic of the post. that's kind of rude, but don't tell her that. DA is the only rude type here lol. maybe she deleted her account because she and her DA boyfriend broke up and she is triggered by stuff really badly. maybe she deleted her account because she gave me too much power. i've deleted my account when the crap got so thick it was a poor use of my time and i had other things i needed to focus on. and there is a ton of twisted crap on this forum more offensive than sarcasm, in my opinion. please. I only registered to say this: No, I deleted my account because I find you to be a very overbearing person who dominates this forum, on many occasions. Moreover, I didn't learn much from here, I don't think it's a place where you can discuss. You either applaud to what is being said or you get gas-lighted. Thank you very much. This comment shows perfectly what kind of, totally NOT passive-aggressive person you are. And the circular conversation you talk about... you were responding to my questions, not to the main thread, you didn't understand what I was asking about because of "multitasking" but you simply were caught up in your own perception that you didn't think "oh, wait a minute, this doesn't make sense". IF I didn't tell you there's a misunderstanding and take the blame on me (so that I don't have to deal with who was right and who wasn't -for obvious reasons) you'd have kept going and I had no intention to deal with it, as I don't have now. And contrariety to you, I do not categorize people into AP, DA, FA, secure categories and judge them based on that. I believe people are more than that. I am not sure if they wrote it in cosmopolitan. My partner and I, are doing fine. Thank you for your concern. Go feed on someone else. Maybe they won't notice what you're doing. And if they do they can blame it on AP witch-hunting and their hate for DAs, because this is always the reason. |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2018 6:11:25 GMT
Where did I say it gives him the right to touch you? If you read my whole post instead of cherry picking and my ridiculous remarks which cannot be addressed seriously because they're laughable, wait, let me quote that so that we all can laugh together You would have known I wasn't talking about your post but about our perceptions, that it can be faulty and ostracism - like others who were also attacked because you people jump into your own conclusions with madness in your eyes (hence I left, I don't think you can learn much here apart from other members believe in). Yes, I used your DESCRIPTION as an example because it shows how little WE (readers) know but how many assumptions we (again, not you) make and how far (dehumanization) you are willing to take it. Our brain fills the blanks and we take it to extreme, it can lead to awful consequences, at least, it had lead to them in our history. I understand that it's a delicate subject and it could have easily been misunderstood HENCE I wrote (it's also laughable according to you, I assume) *a person, not the guy who was touching you I also asked epicgum because I wasn't sure if I understand him correctly. I'm out from here, and I hope @rockgirl you are too. It's not worth it. |
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