Men & the "Worth It" Equation with Alison Armstrong
One of the biggest things women don't know about men is that EVERYTHING has to survive the "WORTH IT" test. In this excerpt from her Understanding Men course, Alison Armstrong illuminates what makes something "worth it" to a man
The Experience Of The Feminine Walking In The World
John and Kendra bring awareness to the experience of the feminine walking around in the world. They begin with an experiment that John learned from Alison Armstrong, in which they ask how many men in the room felt legitimately unsafe in the past 2 weeks. A few men raise their hands. They ask the same question to the women in the room and nearly all of them raise their hands.
....Given that the experience of the feminine in the world often includes feeling unsafe, if you wish that your partner relax into her feminine, you must include this in awareness as you lead her.
Be meticulous when holding the structure and communicating your plans for your next date. For example, “Here is the address of the restaurant. Call an Uber and I’ll meet you out on the curb at 8.” That kind of awareness is required for her nervous system to relax.
Most males are either unconscious or avoidant of the feminine form. The experience of the male gaze as a sexually desirous experience is invasive, so if a masculine can practice seeing the feminine heart, or “the cosmos” through her eyes, and train himself to be in awe of the “great feminine” through a particular feminine being, this will deepen the moment. .....
Ever get caught up in the chemistry of a relationship, only to realize later you weren’t compatible? Jay Shetty reminds us that most of our visions of compatibility and chemistry come from the media. We expect one person to be everything in our lives, but that’s not possible.
In this video, Jay Shetty explains three foundations to compatibility: the ability to communicate well, common personal goals, and honesty and comfort in expressing one’s soul with each other.
You first get ready to date a new person on the mental level. Many people starts dating at this level after a break up from a close relationship. They think that they are ready when they ask themselves:
"Am I ready to date yet ?": yes or no If it's a yes = Then go!
But maybe they are not ready on the emotional level.
Or maybe they are not ready on the instinctive level.
Quistion: Why is it that I still have a thought that we should be together again? Why is it that I don't want him to know if I see someone else or not know if he does? (We have two children together. It's been years since we called each other husband and wife) We = my ex husband and I.
Reply: It's about not always finishing our relationship with our ex on ALL 3 levels.
Where I have previously chosen boyfriends who reminded me of my parents, now I do not meet anyone at all. What happens ? You may have shut down and you have given up. You have shut down your life energy. That's why you don't attract anyone. You must make yourself vulnerable again. Easy going reletionships where we see where it goes often leads nowhere. It's just a self-protection. There is often trauma energy in a given Up state.
Alcohol helps to soothe your senses and lover your boundaries. Alcohol makes you happy and outgoing and it gives you the courage to contact the opposite sex. You are not able to be fully precent when you are drunk /a bit tipsy. It's not about falling in love, but purely about attraction. There is also the risk of having fast sex when drunk and there's a risk meeting people who becomes unfaithfull when drunk. You can also easily overlook your deal-breakers when drunk/tipsy.
If you want a real partner then have fun while out in town but date (and try to find a partner) when you aren't drunk another day instead. Find out what it is that you want in lovelife. Do you just want to have sex and flirt and have fun and can you handle a rejection the next day - then go.
If not and you are looking for something serious then do something else.
Never, ever beg a person, who rejects you - it will damage your self-worth!
Disregulated People who are in a kind of freeze state and low on energy/who are nummed out are more prone to attract people with dysregulated prepretator energy. People with prepretator energy say that they can spot people in freeze/they can feel their low energy miles away. For examble at a bar.
If you are low on energy, in freeze/shut down and not well regulated be carefull because you can attract these type of people without being aware of it. You are in risk of being hunted like wounded/weak animals in the wild. You are also not able to detect danger the same way as if you were wellregulated.
Before you get married again, wait. Wait until you have seen your lover's anger / remorse
Is it cross-border? Is it sarcastic and humiliating? Or Is it respectful and clear? How do you deal with the anger of your loved one? Do you set clear and respectful boundaries yourself? Or Are you holding back your anger and do you swallow the humiliation ? Do you excuse the anger from your loved one towards your children? Before moving in with your loved one, wait. Wait because your kids can't choose whether to have a loving and caring 'BONUS parent' - but you can!
1) does he/she make me happy - are you being charged/filled up and feeling supported and not drained ? Are there too many conflicts?
2) Does he/she get the best out of you? You know who the best version of yourself is (think about the feeling you get when you are with the people you already know who gets the best out of you when you are with them or you do the activities that makes you happy)
3) Do you dare to be honest and vulnerable when you are with him/her ? Do you dare and can you be yourself as you are?
What is it like for you to be feminine and a woman? Do you think that this is not a relevant question, because you are just a human being?.
If you want a masculine partner it is important that you can receive with grace. That you rest in yourself and you are open and you appreciate those gifts that are given to you.
Write down: Which role models have you had in your life? How were they women ? Positive role models and negative role models. What qualities have your positive role models possessed ? . How was your mother as a woman? How was it in your family to be a woman? What have your role models taught you ?.
What positive role models have you had, what was nice and atteactive About Them ? The essence of the feminine is to recieve with Grace. To receive with grace is also to appreciate yourself and to appreciate the person who gives.