Deep breaths, feeling sad at night

kristyrose, I know when someone doesn't respond to me, I just assume they don't want to talk to me. If they wanted to talk to me, they would, right? I am learning here that is not always the case, but I'm guessing it's my coping mechanism to be able to move on and not ruminate on why they aren't responding.

I probably wouldn't reach out to him further as you already have. Hopefully, you can tap into your other side and turn off the ruminating a bit.

I’m sorry you are hurting Kristyrose.
I think continuing to participate here and doing nice things for yourself is very good!
And also, don’t forget the basic acts of self love like eating to nourish yourself and trying to get enough sleep. Those things can go out the window during stress but it’s so important to be your own best friend that way.

There is lot of REALLY good post breakup (AP breaking up with avoidant) info on the site Baggage Reclaim. she has exercises that can help you sort out your grief and anger and feelings of rejection (triggered from childhood) and i highly recommend it.

Don’t take what she says about what is going on in Mr. Unavailables mind too seriously except to the point of realizing his issues are about him, not you! The rest, leave him to figure out because the author of the site really hasn’t. in my opinion.

((( kristyrose)))
one hour at a time

Kristyrose, i am so sorry, it’s like a death to experience something like that.

I am sure we all experience it in some way or another, not always in relationships but maybe in another area- the sudden catastrophe that ends it all and changes life as you know it.

It feels personal, in most cases i think, even if it is not. We think that relationships are so personal but if it’s two people acting out subconscious dysfunction, it isn’t as personal as you think.

In Eastern philosophy, which i study passionately, there is the concept of Life itself bringing death and decay to transform the landscape and allow something new to grow. When the old is outworn, Life doesn’t stop there- it turns it all upside down and brings something new and alive. There is the belief in Eastern philosophy that the laws of nature apply to the human psyche and i embrace that because from why i can see and experience, it’s absolutely the reality!

We never are ready for the catastrophic loss. But it changes us, when we had no previous inclination to really make the complete change ourselves.

Please take comfort knowing that this change, while painful, truly is a tremendous opportunity to let go and heal more than you dreamed you could.
I have had things wrenched from me when i couldn’t let go and it hurt hell but opened my hand to hold on to something better for me.

Thanks so much for the supportive posts.

I guess what is making it worse is being ignored like this as if i didnt exist. No letting me know he wants to stop communicating just nothig. That to me adds another layer of pain to it.

Im going to keep the focus on me, but it is so hard to not wonder if i will ever hear from him again. He could have said he doesnt want to talk for a while, or ever. This is just cruel.

I can relate a lot. But try 3 months of silence then coming back like nothing. he's done that over and over. One time I even texted him that it feels like he is dead or something, feels weird. He still didn't reply and he knows I had a bf who died and it was really traumatic for me.
I think as an AP we go into this panicky stage that it is forever but when he comes back and we talk about it he always says that he never thinks it's forever. He knows he will reach out eventually. He thought it was weird that I think we will never talk again.
Sounds like u are doing a lot of positive things to get through this. I feel your pain. I'm experiencing it right now also. For the 4th time now I think. I thought I was over this ride.