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Post by alpenglow on Feb 20, 2018 21:29:54 GMT
It's both I guess. It's people having power of my feelings when they "reject" me or say something that I interpret as negative, thus confirming my negative sense of self, AND a difficulty to accept positive talk from others because I tend to dismiss it as it doesn't fit with my inner negative view. It comes from both directions. I disagree, because if people actually had power over your emotions, both the positive and negative would influence you. They are not the influencers, it's your own filter. You are filtering and choosing to believe certain things no matter how valid or invalid the source is. Mhh, yeah, you're right. This is actually what I meant. It's a filter yes, whose purpose is alignment with a deeply held belief. Confirmation bias, as Jaeger put it. Guilty as charged. To my defense, it's not like I didn't know it! "The effect is stronger for emotionally charged issues and for deeply entrenched beliefs." Oh yeah! |
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Post by alpenglow on Feb 20, 2018 21:33:17 GMT
"Why Being Unlovable Is a Myth Addiction grief, depression and mental illness do not make a person who they are or define them in any way. Unfortunate circumstances have happened in your life. Self-loathing and self-blame are natural psychological responses to stressful or negative situations involving self-doubt. The human psyche is equipped with mechanisms that help condition us to certain beliefs. When it comes to negative life events, the mind will manipulate you and find ways to tell you that you are somehow to blame. Over time, this becomes a mental habit that you rely on to make sense of different situations. For example, if you perceive something bad happening to you, your mental habit reminds you that you are somehow deserving of it. In a backward way, this is helpful to the ego because it somehow justifies the bad things that happen. The mental habit of telling yourself that you are deserving of whatever bad things have happened happened is not sustainable and not productive to living a fulfilled life." brookhavenretreat.com/cms/blog-22/item/2962-when-you-feel-unlovable |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2018 21:33:19 GMT
"Confirmation bias, also called confirmatory bias or myside bias, is the tendency to search for, interpret, favor, and recall information in a way that confirms one's preexisting beliefs or hypotheses. It is a type of cognitive bias and a systematic error of inductive reasoning. People display this bias when they gather or remember information selectively, or when they interpret it in a biased way. The effect is stronger for emotionally charged issues and for deeply entrenched beliefs. " Thank you for this. I never heard of it. I tend to look at the source of the information (is this person important to me, do they know me etc) and the information from more valid sources will carry more "weight". I always saw it as a filtering process. |
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Post by Jaeger on Feb 20, 2018 21:50:13 GMT
"Confirmation bias, also called confirmatory bias or myside bias, is the tendency to search for, interpret, favor, and recall information in a way that confirms one's preexisting beliefs or hypotheses. It is a type of cognitive bias and a systematic error of inductive reasoning. People display this bias when they gather or remember information selectively, or when they interpret it in a biased way. The effect is stronger for emotionally charged issues and for deeply entrenched beliefs. " Thank you for this. I never heard of it. I tend to look at the source of the information (is this person important to me, do they know me etc) and the information from more valid sources will carry more "weight". I always saw it as a filtering process. You're very welcome. This also plays an important part in rationalizing staying in a relationship (or leaving it) when the facts seem to suggest doing the opposite. In Alpenglow's case, his conviction of "I am unlovable/not good enough" causes him to look for, and eventually find, evidence to support that. A conviction of "I deserve to be loved" would lead to looking for and finding evidence for that. This also means that objective truth doesn't exist. As you say, we filter the parts that confirm our bias. |
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Post by mrob on Feb 20, 2018 23:32:13 GMT
A balmy 31 degrees here in Australia today. Not gloating at all.....
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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2018 23:40:10 GMT
A balmy 31 degrees here in Australia today. Not gloating at all..... 27 in colorado USA don't blame me for Trump or for the weather 😂 |
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Post by mrob on Feb 21, 2018 6:31:40 GMT
32 degrees Celsius.....
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Post by tnr9 on Mar 11, 2018 1:32:31 GMT
46 degrees in our nation's capital (our nation being the USA).  |
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Post by serene13 on Mar 11, 2018 2:30:17 GMT
64 degrees in the desert southwest - AZ USA
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