AP-FA relationship: worth the trouble?

Haha! There won't be too many people at that meet up!
Only the FAs might show up...well, half of them, depending on their mood for the day!

That's what secures do, just enjoying life

Does anyone get my new avatar btw?

Hey, I’ll mark my calendar!

🗓❌ “Cancel meetup plan”

🚫😣😑

End of story.

I went on a third date with that woman this evening.
Despite everything that I wrote in my first post in this thread, I did feel less interested in her after the second date after all the serious talk we had.
During the last hour that day, I felt less interested/connected and even felt like keeping the date shorter.
But of course I reacted to all the attachment stuff, because I was projecting myself and wondering how things would work out between an AP and one who seemingly was FA.

This evening's date was much shorter. Similar to the first one, in a more relaxed way. We didn't have any communication over the weekend and I actually didn't miss it much and I didn't think much about her.
We had an interesting and stimulating conversation as usual, and then out of the blue, she asked where I thought this was going. I was taken aback because it came seemingly out of nowhere.
So I didn't really know what to answer. I said that I enjoyed her company quite a lot. She said the same thing, but then went on saying that she didn't really feel any spark and saw me more as a friend. She felt sorry for having to say this. I said that I understood and that it was perfectly fine. I even said that I felt sort of the same way. I still like her, but I didn't feel as strong an attraction as I did during the first date. She wasn't sure herself, and this is why she felt like meeting me one more time in order to be sure.
Like in previous times under similar circumstances with other people, she said that I was a very interesting person with many good qualities that she is looking for, and feels sorry that she can't really control her feelings and didn't feel any more attraction. Yep, just like with the previous one a month! Except that things went a lot further the last time.

I feel nowhere as crushed as last time, because I didn't feel as much attraction for this woman, but my feelings for her were still a lot more positive than neutral. I'm still left with the same kind of feeling: that possible romantic partners see many qualities in me, but don't feel any (lasting) attraction for me. Which is something that again reinforces my inner belief: I have something lacking.
Perhaps it's the typical AP thing. Secure people (or anyone with reasonable self-esteem) wouldn't think too much about it and wouldn't worry about lacking something, because they have self-love.
But since I rely way too much on external validation, each rejection confirms my inner belief.

The funny thing is that I didn't think about her own perceived attachment this evening. If anything else, she appeared to be a lot more secure than I first imagined, with quite a lot of self-confidence.

I sort of knew that you would answer somnething along these lines, hehe.
But it makes sense of course, on a rational level.
The emotional level can't seem to agree unfortunately, because of so many perceived or real negative experiences of rejection in the past. Classical conditioning at its best.
Believe me, I really wish I could truly buy those rational arguments! So that they could convince my feelings and be done with it.

(I was actually eating pasta when I read your reply. But now I wouldn't mind sushi or Thai!!)

Seriously though, thoughts and feelings are interlinked. Sometimes, you'll need to show yourself that those feelings don't determine reality. Hold them yo the bright light of reality and see if they can stand that test. If so, keep acting on them. If not, you're already on the path to changing them.

Somehow, this reminded me of you. Not all of it, naturally

tinybuddha.com/blog/change-your-life-by-changing-your-mind-about-yourself/