Do all Avoidants end things this way?

I am so sorry this has happened to you.  I am sure it's very unsettling.  I did not go to the link, but I don't think it's a man thing (I have dated AP men), so my experience is different with men.  I do think it's common with DAs.  I am DA and I am able to "dismiss" people.  I guess it's a way to detach.  Some people use anger to detach, I use indifference.  It's also a way to avoid conflict.  I have gotten much better at using words when ending things, but yes, my past is littered with inappropriate endings.

Oh Madame,
Haha,
Our chats just made me think of my very first boyfriend (a bad start and still going shit). So I was about 12, and we dated for 6weeks in the school holidays. Never kissed, only saw him once in whole holiday. One could say he was my first DA. Lol. Anyway once school restarted he totally ignored me for the first week. I then called his parents house totally confused and asked if we are over. He said yes.
Thats more or less how most of the other DAs have dumped me too. Different age, name, relationship lengh, but pretty much the same...just no contact and then when you go over and ask you get told its over. Same as I am wondering/presuming its over once again with me and my guy now. Grow some balls! Show some respect!

If it was only about balls and respect, this forum wouldn’t need to exist. O

i don't mind sharing!
i push a mental delete button, it's just an automatic thing when i have to stop hurting from a toxic entanglement.
i will think about them again, but i try to keep myself from rumination (once i have made a decision with clarity that it is best for my well being) by pressing my delete button.
i do this as often as it takes- for instance, i wish things had worked out for my ex and i.
i really do.
it was unworkable and ended up being painful.
i get reminded of him by many things. the street i drove to go to his house is the street i drive every day, etc. but i don't forget why i ended it. i keep that front and center.
so, to spare myself the brain damage of ruminating, i press delete and turn my attention to something that helps me continue to accept and heal.
i pressed delete a few times today. i miss him but i know the deal and i won't go back. so it's better to delete.

i do actually delete all contact info as well. i don't hold on to what was, i have to create a new normal.
i am no contact with him , so having a contact in my phone for him would just be a sad reminder of my NOPE.
I delete all messages, because whatever was said lor unsaid led me to this point- and nowhere else, so i don't revisit it.

it sounds cold but it's not. it's just rational to me. i have big feelings that i deal with , without holding on to him in any way. in time i will need my delete button less.

i am not as avoidant as i used to be- i test right on the line with secure now. in the past i think i wouldn't need my delete button so much-

@serene13, i know it hurts.
even tho i know it's final for me, i hurt.
my ex is DA (quite deeply avoidant ) and i know how he handles endings- the same way i do, but he hurts. he and i do differ in that he is a workaholic and he just amps up being busy tondistract.
i think things also depend on the level of awareness and health also.
but yes, it does have a sense of finality in the avoidant mind, and it is painful anyway.

maybe some avoidants aren't in touch with the pains
i can't say? i known in the past my relationships were extremely abusive to me, and i left without any regret and it must have driven my exes nuts that i didn't even bat and eye or reach out or anything. i didn't know about attachment but i can look back and see it.

i remember one of my exes being shocked that i walked out one day and never contacted him again. it didn't even occur to me, because i hated him i guess. i don't think avoidants always hate their exes.

but he was an ass. he was violent. this time it's been rough because i am more aware and i loved him.

let's just keep healing ❤️

All I want is for him to stop sending me mixed messages and just TELL ME if he’s done. Keeping me as a “friend” and then messaging “I miss you” but then when I text back, never texting again... I get that he probably enjoys keeping things very open-ended and he’s totally okay with ambivalent feelings, HOWEVER, as an AP (and other APs can tell me if this is true for them as well) any type of “in limbo” situation is murder on my emotions and anxiety. I used to ask him to please tell me *exactly* what he wanted (do you want to see me just twice a month?, text only once a day?) and he would always say “just do what comes natural to you”... but because my natural was much more intense than his, he would say one thing (Im not going anywhere, we are fine) and then pull away emotionally, which I could sense, and it would start the push/pull thing.

Now with “the end” (which he has stil never said it’s over and ignores the question, but the fact that he barely speaks to me anymore is a pretty good indicator) it has been even weirder. He wanted to stay friends on social media, likes my stuff, but never initiates contact... but then is sweet when I do (when he decides to answer). It’s totally f*cking confusing to me and I really need him to just say “it’s over you need to move on” instead of sendIng weirdly mixed messages. I need that finality. I NEED that closing door for real closure. I would prefer he unfriend and block me if he’s never going to engage with me again.

it's really crazy to me how the AP side insists that it is up to the DA to make a final full stop ending when they are unwilling and unable to do it themselves.
somehow they get a free pass to keep engaging and blaming and not taking responsibility?
what about growing some ovaries and kicking it to the curb?
no, they continue to engage and get angry their partner hasn't slammed the door.
its about more than balls and respect, it is about attachment injury but the only way out for either side is awareness and personal responsibility .

self respect is a thing, too.  if someone doesn't respect you, and you allow it, it's a mirror of your self respect and relief comes when you improve that. 
it's all an inside job! 


SIDE NOTE:  AP does not want it to be over and have spent the entire relationship resisting an ending.  If the partner were to end it and go no contact, then AP abandonment would be triggered.  We have all seen how that plays out on this forum.  It's not pretty. 

The key to AP healing lies within the AP themselves, but they look to an external source as the determining factor.  When you choose an emotionally unavailable partner to run the show, you get what you get.

not trying to slam anyone but neither am i co-signing any attachment type, BS blame shifting.  It does not honor reality to overlook the well established , researched, observable patterns of the AP/ DA dance.