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Post by anne12 on Jan 9, 2022 19:25:29 GMT
The love template sits in the old part of the brain.
If you become more securely attached and do not feel particularly attracted when you meet the opposite sex, then know that you can build energy and spark up anyway by using the dance between the feminine and the masculine.
Via tantric principles and techniques, you can slowly build up the energy between you
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Post by anne12 on Jan 11, 2022 10:26:21 GMT
You are not afraid of new love
You are afraid of old pain
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Post by anne12 on Feb 5, 2022 16:34:24 GMT
Im suddenly feeling sad with My boyfriend, should I brake up with him ?
When we are getting in touch with what we have been longing for and have always wanted, then we can become sad.
Then we can think that there is something wrong with the relationship and then we can brake up with the person.
But there is nothing wrong with the relationship and its sush a shame when people misunderstands whats really going on and they dont let the love unfold…
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Post by anne12 on Mar 4, 2022 13:17:03 GMT
Is he serious:
If 6-9 months have passed without these points being met, consider whether it is a relationship you want to continue investing in.
The serious man who wants a relationship with you certainly exhibits these 5 actions .
He is persistent:
Persistence means that his behavior is constant - that he does not swing from one day to the next, so that one day he seems loving and attentive and the next indifferent and passive. Or the air goes off the balloon after 3 months, where he gets 'a little tired of it' and gives less and less - or just disappears. So just take the hot and cold-guy, and think of the exact opposite of it. If he is persistent, you can trust him to do what he says he will do and continue to invest his energy in you, and this makes you confident in your relationship with him.
Your relationship is slowly evolving in the right direction - upwards.
So you do NOT start at the top for the first 4 weeks, after which the curve goes down sharply.
He drives the relationship forward:
He makes sure that there is some progression in the relationship so that it does not just stand still for several months in a row. You have probably experienced before how you have seen a guy for several months, but have never been introduced to any of his friends. Or you've seen one for half a year without him wanting to call you his girlfriend. If, on the other hand, he drives the relationship forward, the opposite is true. He wants to know if you are partners, relatively quickly, and he wants you to meet his friends and family - because he wants to do what he can so that the relationship does not run into out in the sand. Therefore, he continuously wants to become more and more serious.
He prioritizes your time together:
You can just feel in him that he wants to see you because you are a priority in his life. Therefore, it is at least as often he who takes the initiative to be meet - even though he may have a busy day. He also writes to you daily and responds to your messages because you are simply contributing something positive to his life that he naturally prioritizes. You know from yourself that you always get to set aside time for the things that enrich you, and so does he with you. Mao. he's not the type to cancel every other time. No, he makes sure to have your next date written in the calendar so he knows what he has to look forward to.
He introduces you to family and friends:
Of course, it is important for him that you meet his family and friends. He is proud to have met you and would like to show you off. He also wants you to be a bigger part of his life and see more sides of him. Sides that his family and friends know.
He does not flee at your first confrontation:
It is here, many new relationships stand their test. You can probably be so in love and have met friends, family, call yourself partners, be committed, BUT… then comes the first disagreement. And he withdraws and becomes silent. Oh no!! What happened? We simply HAVE to be able to disagree and put our needs into words in a relationship. Otherwise, we can never thrive in that relationship. And if it is not met with openness and some understanding of our partner, there is almost no chance that the relationship can survive. Many men become conflict-averse and intimidated by a woman who expresses her needs, and that reaction is not appropriate. If, on the other hand, he remains faithful, listens to you and shows the willingness that characterizes a mature person who wants to learn and understand, then you can keep on dating the guy.
An attatchment, love coach!
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Post by anne12 on May 24, 2022 12:51:12 GMT
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Post by anne12 on Jun 30, 2022 2:59:24 GMT
Are you a “ I just have to x,y,z, before I can x,y,z kind of person
- I just have to lose weight, before I can find a partner
- I just need to find a good job, before I can find a partner
- I just need to be able to love myself more, before I can find a partner
- I just need xxxx before I can ....
Then turn it around and ask yourself the question:
- what if having a partner can actually make me love myself more
- what if having a partner can give me strength to find a new job
ect.
Take care of the part of yourself who just needs to be perfect but dont let it decide
Otherwise you will waste your life
An SE, attachment , love coach
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Post by anne12 on Jul 15, 2022 12:55:09 GMT
The good enough choise jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1845/good-choise-lovelifeCan you see the trap of focusing on the right choice? Right choices lock your inner decision maker! If there is a real choice, then the old part of the brain (the reptile brain + the middle brain, which is rather primitive) believes, that all other choices are wrong! Then just keep in mind, that you do not make the wrong choice (which is all other choices than the right one). The old part of the brain therefore easily goes into alarm mode, or at least in stress gear. Alarm condition / stress is the worst starting point for making decisions. Because there is the "instinct noise" - while the rational part (neocortex) is inhibited. Furthermore, when the alarm / stress condition exceeds a certain level, the system shuts off emotions. It is therefore also not possible to feel the heart or hear your intuition in that state. On the other hand, there is typically a lot of worry-grabbing thoughts! If you make a decision in this state, then it is only the survival instinct, that makes the decision. The part of the brain that reacts with fight, flight or freeze 1) Many people ends up in freeze. These people do not make a decision at all! You can't make a decision! Just read that phrase again: You can't make a decision! Because life continues, and your non-decision has consequences, just as if you had made an active choice. The difference is that you become a spectator of your life, while other people's decisions and time will shape your life. 2) Others will escape. 3) Others will again fight, where it would have been more healthy for them to let go. A big decision taken in that alarm condition state often proves to be a bad decision. For example, whether the partner is the right one and must be your life companion, whether the job is the right one or the home is. An attatchment therapist says, that she meets many in her practice, who have ended a relationship, because their system went off-gear. It is super good if the partner was unhealthy to be with. But we are talking about where the partner has had some quality. Sad for both ... Sad for the love, that did not unfold. Just as sad and as often she have met those who have fought too much and for too long in a relationship. Sometimes they even pushed the love away by struggling so bravely. No matter what situation, you can use these 3 steps: Step 1: Regulate the nervous system (ANS) with various methods (water tank exercise, breathing awareness, here-and-now exercise, etc.) and any healing of old wounds. Step 2: Clarify What is a good-enough choice for you? A good-enough choice will bring you closer or perhaps all the way to unfold your vision, for example your love vision. A good-enough choice is good for you and the other involved. Even if you are not guaranteed whether it is good for the rest of your life. There is no one who can know. If it later turns out, that there is something else that at that time is a better choice, make sure you have the power to make that choice. Check out your good enough choice with others who have competencies within your choice. If you have made your (love) vision right 😉 it's easier to determine if your choice will be a good-enough choice for you Step 3: Take this good-enough choice! It will soothe your nervous system and get you back to you again. Let me emphasize: The perfect partner does NOT exist. Only the good-enough partner for you 😉 Love is a CHOICE! Not a one-time choice, but a choice you take EVERY day for the rest of the time, your relationship lasts. |
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Post by anne12 on Jul 18, 2022 9:14:55 GMT
www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2022/07/should-you-date-a-friend/670541/Date a friend "Another strength of relationships that start as friendships is that couples have a fuller sense of who their partner is from the beginning. In my experience, this makes the giddy early stages of a relationship even more enjoyable—with my partner, our preexisting bond served as a kind of tailwind that carried us through the sometimes-awkward moments that arise during the first few dates with someone new. Going through that phase with someone I trusted was more fun than going through it with someone I was trying to figure out if I could trust. In fact, the “after” wasn’t all that different from the “before”—just as we had when we were friends, we talked constantly and vulnerably, and frequently texted when we were apart."
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Post by anne12 on Aug 17, 2022 1:18:03 GMT
Which love type are you
1) the fingers crossed
2) the love diva
3) the frustrated queen
4) the dreamer
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2022 0:43:49 GMT
www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2022/07/should-you-date-a-friend/670541/Date a friend "Another strength of relationships that start as friendships is that couples have a fuller sense of who their partner is from the beginning. In my experience, this makes the giddy early stages of a relationship even more enjoyable—with my partner, our preexisting bond served as a kind of tailwind that carried us through the sometimes-awkward moments that arise during the first few dates with someone new. Going through that phase with someone I trusted was more fun than going through it with someone I was trying to figure out if I could trust. In fact, the “after” wasn’t all that different from the “before”—just as we had when we were friends, we talked constantly and vulnerably, and frequently texted when we were apart." This has been my experience with my current relationship for sure . It made dating so much more doa-able for me. Because we already had a rapport and we got to know each other with no pressure or expectation. I didn't know he had a desire to date me eventually, he gave absolutely no indication of his interest. Sneaky guy but it couldn't have turned out better. 😜 |
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Post by anne12 on Aug 21, 2022 19:24:30 GMT
Do you set your intention for a partner after
1) A victim mentality
2) A prostituted energy/mentality
3) The Logician (The Saboteur)
4) The inner wounded child
ad 1) victim mentality
- things go wrong when you come from a sacrificial/ victim energy.
This is when you hear yourself say or think:
"I need xx for otherwise yy",
"I miss zz",
"There is too little, too much, there is only..."
"If only xx, I can yy"
"After I've done all this, then at least he/She could…"
There is nothing as “not sexy” as "neediness"
It is that deep down you feel that you have no influence on the situation.
That you subconsciously don't believe that you can get, what you want (the most).
It's that you basically experience things happening to you. We can all experience this.
The victim energy just wants to be saved like the princess up in the tower waiting for prince charming.
It could look like this
"If only I had a nice partner, I can trust. Because then I will experience joy and love, then I can enjoy life💃🕺" (Here you are saying that you cannot have a good life if a nice quality partner is not part of it).
Then when you meet a potential partner, your neediness will mess things up.
It will get the delicious partner pushed away.
While your sacrificial/ victim energy pauses when you are with those, you are not interested in. Therefore, there is room for him/her to want to be with you. But then you come back into sacrificial energy if you think "Yes, the one who wants me, but he's/shes just not for me. Why can't I just meet the right one?!"
Unconsciously, the sacrificial/victim energy is replayed. It makes sure that if you are really interested in the other person, you will get a no (or a maybe, which is the same as a no).
The sacrificial/victim energy can be just as stubborn in the relationship...
Why don't you want to xxx
Why do you always zzz
If only you yyy then we would be happy
The Sacrifice/victim energy is one of the archetypes, that shows us, that we are not in alignment with our Higher Self aka our soul.
ad 2) - prostituted mentality
I just NEED to have a partner”
This is survival energy
It is called prostituted energy, because in order to feel safe and connected, you lower your values and your boundaries
You try to get recognition from the outside
Instead try to take back the energy you have left outside of yourself, take it back from in the universe - your feminine energy or your masculine energy
Good things to say to yourself:
- you can say out loud, “I am safe, I am whole, I am okay, ect”
ad 3) The Logician (The Saboteur)
- “I should be able to get a partner”
(because I am good looking, Ive got the right age, Ive got the right job ect).
It is from a logical standpoint, but where is your heart ? What does your heart say ? What does your heart truly want ?
With this energy you risk lowering your bar,
You are looking for proof, that the other person, is the right person
You can risk rejecting a potential partner with this energy
ad 4) The inner wounded child
- “I WANT, I WANT, I WANT a partner, (I want that doll, I want that toy)
Investigate if you are focused on a lack, on what is missing
If you set the affirmation “I have a partner” then right after you can think - NO I haven’t
This inner wounded child needs a lot of love and nourishment- so give this to yourself
All these are maladaptive ways of setting the intention for a future partner, and can show you what you have to work on.
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Post by anne12 on Aug 22, 2022 4:31:45 GMT
Are you going on a date, and want to get more into your feminine energy, then do the yin breath. (Chris Griscom)
Put your thounge behind your upper teath, and breath in as if your are eating an soda icecream. Breath all the way down to your cervix, and when you breath out let it spread into your pelvic floor
If you are a man, breath all the way down to your perineum
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Post by anne12 on Aug 22, 2022 20:13:02 GMT
Why is it good for women to heal their inner healthy masculine before dating ?
Bacause when the inner masculine is healed, the masculine can help them to “dare” to go into the Dark, the unknown when dating. It is more safe, because their inner masculine has their back, and the inner healthy masculine can protect them
They will also get better at taking tiny inintiatives and being able to send green signals to men, they are interested in
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Post by anne12 on Sept 13, 2022 8:02:25 GMT
Unconditionel love
- to love and be loved without conditions
- when you love unconditionally you don’t expect anything in return, natural (but not always easy) with
- kids
- pets/animals
Myths about Unconditionel love
1)
A partner has to be there for me, if he/ She really loves me Then ……
- Love is something that comes from the outside, and Im a victim if it is there or not
- my partner asks me questions and remember what I have told him/her
- a partner has to be there for me, when I need him/her (no, not as an adult)
- a partner doesn’t have to be there for you, but can be there with you
2)
Love saves me
- and heals My inner wounded child
- a partner can fill me up from what I dident receive as a child or in my last relationships
- you are not each others therapists or each others healers
3) I have to do something special to deserve love
- my partner has to love the sides of myself, I do not like about myself or that I am not aware of myself
- low self worth
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Post by anne12 on Sept 13, 2022 8:03:19 GMT
Romantic love
Romantic love
We can no longer tell the difference between infatuation/crush/romantic love and real love
We think that love is like Sex and the city,
We no longer stay to death do us apart, but until the crushing phase, the romantic love phase ends
And then we have to end a relationship sooner or later, so that we can find a new crush, romantic love partner
A crush/infatuation lasts 3/4 months - 1 year
Romantic love lasts up to 5 years
Then we will move on in our serial monogamous hunt for a new partner/the one and only
Romantic love flourished in the 18th century and continues to this day
(Lector Jens Hougaard)
Myths about romantic love
1) We believe that love symptoms are love Falling in love is a transitional phase
Dopamine and noradrenaline is released
Noradrenaline is a stress hormone that gives us energy and butterflies in the stomach
If you go to a psychiatrist when you are in this love phase, in the crushing phase, you will be diagnosed as manic
2) It's about finding the one and only, Finding your soulmate
There must be attraction at the first meeting
Unless there is repulsion, give it 5 dates
We have 5000 soulmates, according to Chris Griscom
3) I fall in love with the wrong ones
The bad gives the sparks
An important step is to have a good relationship especially with your mother, especially if you are a woman
It is the limbic system and brain stem that makes us fall in love.
There are not many connections between the prefrontal cortex and the limbic part of the brain and the brain stem
It knows no difference between the past and the present and the future
It thinks that Everything is happening right now
It works so that you can survive
It also works so that you can reproduce, next after you have survived
If you fall in love with the same type, your old part of the brain thinks you are safe and that you will survive
If you fall in love with a more secure person, Then the old part of the brain feels insecure/unsafe and thinks that you wont survive
The more in love you are, the more problems later in the relationship. It is the old part of the brain that is at play
You can get a crush/Fall in love when you need a revolution in your life
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