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Post by krolle on Oct 13, 2021 11:33:59 GMT
I woukd also like to report an interesting phenomenon I had been musing on recently.
I have been struggling with ED on and off for a little bit and poor libido. The cause is probably multifactoral.
But I recently took ibuprofen for an unrelated minor injury and found I was Crazy horny, had quiet the opposite problem from ED (pretty....ahem solid for hours) and sex was great. Slept good. And just generally felt relaxed and somewhat content.
As far as I'm aware ibuprofen generally has no reported sexual side effects or drowsiness for sleep.
It made me realise how much pain I'm in on a daily basis and didn't even realise it. I'm totally dissociated from it. Both physical and psychological pain. And to be relived of it for a few hours, even by a minor drug like ibuprofen I was thinking, is this what it feels like to be more "normal".
It also made me realise what a powerful (though dysfunctional in the long term) coping mechanism dissociation is. If I don't feel it I can function. But a major side effect is the loss of pleasure too, which I have had for a long time.
about 80% of the time I feel very little.......hard to think about..
I also think this is related to me being under the surface HSP. As I'v reported on previous occasions I used to be and still am under the surface incredibly sensative. Dissociation to that has been the only way my body and mind have been able to cope with life it seems. But how much have I missed out on because of it.
....hmmmm....thoughts
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Post by krolle on Oct 13, 2021 11:40:11 GMT
Interestingly I have also previously read about the relationship of inflammation and depression.
Ibuprofen is an NSAID so there could be a contributing factor there too.
The mind body link is fascinating.
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Post by alexandra on Oct 13, 2021 17:33:26 GMT
I think it's quite normal for your sex drive to be surpressed if your body is stressed and fatigued with constant pain. Plus the disassociation and depression wouldn't help. And may also be a response to dealing with so much physical pain all the time? So I think you're right that it's less about it being an NAISD specifically and more about feeling your body in a more positive way that didn't require as much numbing out.
I'm pretty sure I already know the answer, but have you sought medical attention for the chronic pain?
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Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2021 23:57:26 GMT
I woukd also like to report an interesting phenomenon I had been musing on recently. I have been struggling with ED on and off for a little bit and poor libido. The cause is probably multifactoral. But I recently took ibuprofen for an unrelated minor injury and found I was Crazy horny, had quiet the opposite problem from ED (pretty....ahem solid for hours) and sex was great. Slept good. And just generally felt relaxed and somewhat content. As far as I'm aware ibuprofen generally has no reported sexual side effects or drowsiness for sleep. It made me realise how much pain I'm in on a daily basis and didn't even realise it. I'm totally dissociated from it. Both physical and psychological pain. And to be relived of it for a few hours, even by a minor drug like ibuprofen I was thinking, is this what it feels like to be more "normal". It also made me realise what a powerful (though dysfunctional in the long term) coping mechanism dissociation is. If I don't feel it I can function. But a major side effect is the loss of pleasure too, which I have had for a long time. about 80% of the time I feel very little.......hard to think about.. I also think this is related to me being under the surface HSP. As I'v reported on previous occasions I used to be and still am under the surface incredibly sensative. Dissociation to that has been the only way my body and mind have been able to cope with life it seems. But how much have I missed out on because of it. ....hmmmm....thoughts the very first time I took ADHD meds, the biggest difference I noticed was how my body wasn't in pain and actually felt strong. that effect has worn off mostly, and I've stopped taking adhd meds, but that experience blew my mind. even though i did know I was in chronic pain, i always played it off and didn't realize how not being in pain made such a difference in the quality of life and mind. my general observation is that being incredibly sensitive, physically and psychologically, and dissociated = disequilibrium in the psyche (because you're not feeling what you are feeling) = lots of pain (lots of energy trying to go somewhere). |
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Post by krolle on Oct 15, 2021 1:17:04 GMT
I woukd also like to report an interesting phenomenon I had been musing on recently. I have been struggling with ED on and off for a little bit and poor libido. The cause is probably multifactoral. But I recently took ibuprofen for an unrelated minor injury and found I was Crazy horny, had quiet the opposite problem from ED (pretty....ahem solid for hours) and sex was great. Slept good. And just generally felt relaxed and somewhat content. As far as I'm aware ibuprofen generally has no reported sexual side effects or drowsiness for sleep. It made me realise how much pain I'm in on a daily basis and didn't even realise it. I'm totally dissociated from it. Both physical and psychological pain. And to be relived of it for a few hours, even by a minor drug like ibuprofen I was thinking, is this what it feels like to be more "normal". It also made me realise what a powerful (though dysfunctional in the long term) coping mechanism dissociation is. If I don't feel it I can function. But a major side effect is the loss of pleasure too, which I have had for a long time. about 80% of the time I feel very little.......hard to think about.. I also think this is related to me being under the surface HSP. As I'v reported on previous occasions I used to be and still am under the surface incredibly sensative. Dissociation to that has been the only way my body and mind have been able to cope with life it seems. But how much have I missed out on because of it. ....hmmmm....thoughts the very first time I took ADHD meds, the biggest difference I noticed was how my body wasn't in pain and actually felt strong. that effect has worn off mostly, and I've stopped taking adhd meds, but that experience blew my mind. even though i did know I was in chronic pain, i always played it off and didn't realize how not being in pain made such a difference in the quality of life and mind. my general observation is that being incredibly sensitive, physically and psychologically, and dissociated = disequilibrium in the psyche (because you're not feeling what you are feeling) = lots of pain (lots of energy trying to go somewhere). Wow, Great observation shining star. I agree it was the only absence of pain that allowed me to understand how much I was in. May I ask what meds you took for the ADHD? And your overall experience with them. I have decided I am going to give them a go but of course want to be well educated. |
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Post by krolle on Oct 15, 2021 1:30:55 GMT
I think it's quite normal for your sex drive to be surpressed if your body is stressed and fatigued with constant pain. Plus the disassociation and depression wouldn't help. And may also be a response to dealing with so much physical pain all the time? So I think you're right that it's less about it being an NAISD specifically and more about feeling your body in a more positive way that didn't require as much numbing out. I'm pretty sure I already know the answer, but have you sought medical attention for the chronic pain? Accurate observation most likely Alexandra. I will think on it. Yes I have sought help for pain before. But was mostly dismissed. One thing I want you to consider when my struggles reaching out for help become annoying is cause and effect. It's of course not a random behaviour. And not easy to overcome. I tried to reach out for many things before in the past..... help, validation, support....anything, and was often dismissed and/or punished. Initially within the family dynamic, but then my family doctor growing up was fairly old fashioned and somewhat belligerent. After a few lack lustre basic checks to establish the source of my pain and psychological problems growing up, he basically said there's nothing physically wrong and insinuated malingering. I of course went to my go to emotion..... shame, and associate that with seeking help. But I will admit there is also a mistrust element to seeking help too. Which is more annoying for those tying to help. but I am of course in therapy now, and plan on starting medication once I become a little more educated on my options....so... progress... I suppose. |
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Post by alexandra on Oct 15, 2021 1:43:07 GMT
krolle, makes total sense. Women experience a lot of being dismissed by the medical community, but I totally believe it can happen to anyone. And when there's no examples of trying until you succeed in finding someone who wants to help and in earnest believes they can, it also makes sense that someone without a support system might shut down and stop trying if they don't have examples of championing for themselves to model after. This is where I think you questioning a lot is a strength. But it eventually needs to be honed enough to recognize when you find someone who may actually be able to help. I'm very glad to hear you've started therapy 
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Post by krolle on Oct 15, 2021 3:29:59 GMT
sorginIt does seem that we have many similarities, it's nice in a grim kind of way to know we are not alone. Well met my friend. I wonder what your relationship with parents is/was like? I know you have mentioned your mother on occasion. Would you feel comfortable elaborating on your experience with them, and growing up etc?
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Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2021 7:36:43 GMT
alexandra, @shiningstar My boyfriend's adhd traits would cause more problems if we were raising children together, or living together full time. I believe we will be able to cohabit peacefully when we decide to take that step, as we have negotiated what we each need and desire for our living spaces. We could likely find a happy medium for our personal space. I am not a fan of total cohabitation in the first place, and we have a couple of years before that would be an option as I have teens at home. There are issues that couples with one adhd partner face that are challenging- we have faced them all on the typical checklist. A possible plus is that I am direct in my communication and boundaries for the most part, especially since learning more about communicating when I came here - it was my first self help thread. I am assertive and that is necessary. Yes, he has RSD and yes it caused a lot of issues and shut me down initially. But understanding it has helped me a lot, to be thoughtful in how I approach him. And, strong boundaries around it are also critical. Focus on the positive in him and our relationship goes a long way toward being able to solve problems when they arise. I have suffered from "otherness" in a very significant way with HSP and avoidant attachment, as well. All my life. I've been very misunderstood and struggled to understand myself too. So I have a lot of empathy for him. He has been really excellent at accommodating my HSP traits (once I could get his attention about them, joking not joking 🤣). And I am high on the sensitivity scale. The avoidance I have worked on a lot, but he also understands what I have explained. Again, we are different there and work together to support each other with the desire being growth and comfort for us both. ADHD with an HSP could be a disaster but I think we are rocking it. We have enough in common in our interests (some of which he has introduced, some we shared from day 1), our values, our goals and our attraction so we are motivated to make it work and we do. There are a lot of positives in the adhd personality. He is optimistic, energetic, extremely intelligent, adventuresome, generous, emotionally sensitive and empathetic (again, when he isnt hyper focused and distracted ha) , has many high level skills, is imaginative, affectionate, and family oriented, to name a few. He is also very appreciative of the traits I posses that he lacks, the adhd deficits if you will. At first he was stubborn about doing things his way but by now he is more of a team with me, recognizing where my strengths lie. I wouldn't say I overcompensate- that's easy to keep a boundary around for me. I accept some things that might be more challenging for others. But again, that's because I empathize with otherness, and I value him immensely. We have a quirky cool relationship as far as I am concerned and I am happy to be with such a unique guy.
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Post by krolle on Nov 12, 2021 13:06:28 GMT
Just took my first dose of Concerta XR 18mg for ADHD.
It's a low dose to assess my tolerance so I'm not sure I'll feel much. I took it 27 minutes ago and so far nothing.
....Will keep you updated.
Mood : 2/10
Energy :4/10
anxiety :3/10
Focus/ attentiveness: 4/10
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Post by krolle on Nov 12, 2021 16:07:07 GMT
3 hours in....
Mood : 6/10
Energy :8/10
anxiety :3/10
Focus/ attentiveness: 5/10
I feel very assertive and driven, almost to the point of feeling dominant or aggresive, but the nice guy in me is holding firm on any innapropriate behaviour, so it's just manifesting as assertiveness and confidence. But today hasn't been a very cerebral day. I never have problems motivating myself to do physical things. So I'm interested to see if the drive extends to things that are more boring and longer reward delay.
I will also add that although my energy seems high my body feels quiet calm. I'm not pacing like I normally do.
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Post by krolle on Nov 13, 2021 0:25:56 GMT
12 hours in. This is madness. I'v
been absurdly productive today and it shows no signs of slowing down. There's no way this can be healthy for you long term. I started doing some administration I have been putting off for weeks and my hands were typing faster than I could consciously understand at some points. A surprising side effect has been better access to problem solving. As problems have been popping up, instead of my usual pessimism and learned helplessness, wonderfully creative solutions have just been popping up and presenting themselves.
My anxiety has risen slightly. but only by virtue of the fact I'm not sure when I'm going to be able to sleep. And believing that there must be a big come down somewhere on the horizon.
Mood : 7/10
Energy :8/10
anxiety :5/10
Focus/ attentiveness: 5/10
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Post by alexandra on Nov 13, 2021 2:55:20 GMT
krolle, sounds like it's doing something lol. You're doing good, keep tabs on your mood and changes and check back in with your doctor. And let someone in your life know you've started a medication if you haven't already, just in case there are negative mood effects over time, so someone knows to notice in case you don't. In regards to duration, I did a quick internet search. 12 hours is normal. More info on webmd: www.webmd.com/add-adhd/adhd_concerta-crash
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Post by krolle on Nov 13, 2021 15:04:05 GMT
Thankyou for the advice alexandra. I have notified a friend I see regularly that I have started and to let me know if there are significant changes. Actually I already noticed some myself yesterday. One was impatience. Patience is usually something I am quiet good at. But yesterday, I was very agitated when people were in my way or being too slow. At traffic lights for example. It definately took a lot of discipline to stay the aggresive side of me which has been coming out in general lately. I ended up going to sleep around 2am. And sleep wasn't terrible. But certainly not the best I'v had unsurprisingly. I was still doing "work" until that time and over the course of the single day. I had some nightmares about lady #1 which were very unpleasant. Especially after I spent most of yesterday feeling relatively good about things. They made me miss her and I feel a little hopeless again. I don't think I dare take the medication today. I don't have the energy to operate at that level again for 16 + hours. I'm under the impression that you can take them as you see fit, So I might try every other day. But I'll decide after breakfast. no work or anything too demanding today so I don't need to push anything. I'm also quiet sore. As part of my productivity yesterday I pushed myself too hard physically. It's like I felt no pain. But pain is of course a good thing to have in terms of injury prevention. So today I'm feeling it. As I mentioned in my previous post one thing that really impressed me more than anything yesterday was my ability to solve problems. When hurdles popped up I enthusiastically found ways around them. Instead of feeling like I couldn't, and hating myself for it. I was filling out some administration and did not have the information I needed easily accessible. Knowing it would require a lot of messing around and waiting for people and hitting constant barriers would normally just have resulted in procrastination. It wasn't like it made me something Im not, I just felt like my creativity, which has been described as very powerful by teachers and coworkers etc, was "accessible". Mood : 3/10 Energy :4/10 anxiety :4/10 Focus/ attentiveness: 4/10 |
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Post by krolle on Nov 13, 2021 15:20:31 GMT
Yes, that is the best word I can use to describe it. "accessible", or available.
All the thousands of hours of research and experience, my ability to recognise patterns and come up with out of the box thinking, things that make "me" great were just 'available' to me. Instead of being shut down and blocked.
I'm thinking medication might act as 'training wheels' for me to eventually find ways to access this stuff in a more natural way. we'll see.
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