ADHD, FA, HSP, anxiety, depression

No, it isn't that it didn't align, it's that her energy is overwhelming to me- she speaks really quickly and has a pitch that is a little high, and she's busy with her hands. So I had to just keep pausing. But that goes along with DA being overwhelmed by a lot of words spoken (it felt like a flood). I listen to a lot of talks on youtube but do much better when there is a sense of calm and space in the delivery.

I am so glad you were validated! She explained FA in a way I could understand, and also AP. How are you doing?

It's been really hard for me to understand why other insecure styles get so bruised and battered by rejection and the behavior of their SO, but she articulated the different ways of processing very well. I now understand that in a way I didn't before, but it's true that a DA can keep things more "over there", and maintain the separation between Me and You, and other styles seem to get enmeshed and lost, believing that their feelings are facts about the environment and about others. It made sense of the patterns a I've seen on the boards here. And it helps me understand why my perspective as increasingly less DA but DA origins, isn't helpful to those people.
I've really been questioning if it's a good fit anymore, I feel like the odd one out mostly but it's been a great growth chapter!

Anyway, I really could see the resonance between what she was saying and what you've shared, and hope that this provides you a sense of relief and takes some of the confounding mystery out of your experiences.

Ah, thank you, I do appreciate that.  

I am weary of the reactions I get from anxious posters, to be honest.  It isn't helpful for them or for me, I trigger them and they project.  I'm not saying my delivery is what it needs to be and I am even taking a self help course on that.

But so many times, it's like this:

"I feel shame so that means YOU ARE SHAMING ME!"

I feel that everything is my fault so YOI ARE TELLING ME ITS MY FAULT!"

I feel bad so you are telling me I am bad!

I get so many words put in my mouth while the words I actually type get dismissed.  

So that's not helpful to anyone- it's just triggering because I can't say it how alexandra says it, I am not aware of (or haven't been) exactly what's going on in their heads and what landmines to avoid.  So it leaves me the big meanie when I'm actually trying to be helpful.  I don't experience this in real life. 

Anyway, I have got to reflect inside myself to see if my presence is actually a good thing or if it's become unhealthy for others and for me. 

I am taking a course from the Daily OM that I saw on my social media feed.  It's called How to Communicate like a Buddhist which honestly turned me off at first because I think of some monotone, zenned out clone with that title.  

But, It's really fantastic.  I can see where I get it right and how to improve also.  Some of the content is hard for me to relate to in terms of the author's own internal process, but generally it's all been very applicable. 

I would recommend it to anyone.  

I appreciate what you're saying.  I know that it's related to where someone is in their process, and I have compassion on one hand but on the other it's hurtful to me in some sense.  Like, that's an issue I had with my own mother- kind of being scapegoated and projected upon and unheard for what I was really trying to convey.  As though I'm just some bully or something, instead of someone who is empathizing (woth attachment insecurity) and trying to help.  And since I'm the only DA that I know of I feel the absence of like minds when it comes to perspectives.

I feel like some of my experiences have been validated in that video actually- what she said about anxious going around slapping labels and pointing the finger... that happens a lot too.  She explained in a way that made sense... they think their internal feelings are an accurate representation of what is actually going on.  So if I celebrate my relationship, I' "gloating".  Avoidants are pathological.  I mean, it adds up over time and I begin to wonder if me being here is a continuation of patterns I've left behind IRL.  I get that it's online and there are going to be differences, I do bow out, and I am able to have boundaries.  It's almost like death by a thousand papercuts to read the anxious perspective over months maybe, it can be very harsh although I know that some think everyone else is harsh. 

Im just trying to represent my own feelings here, but it's something I need to process internally.  I say things to my friends and they appreciate and respond so differently, its sometimes surreal to me.  A lot is lost in writing vs. in person as well... I get the big picture but it just is beginning to feel cringey I guess.  Some may feel offended by this but there are different sides to consider, we aren't all going to see things the same way.

Appreciate the chat about it though. 

So sorry, didn't mean to hijack your thread krolle !

Again, I can really see how that video could be helpful to you, and I hope you're doing well (relative, it's all relative with this !)