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Post by kristyrose on Feb 16, 2018 0:31:47 GMT
Maybe it helps to tell you this... Going no contact, truly, in the sense that I KNOW he isn't going to contact me anymore felt really scary, but then once it was happenning it felt like a relief. No more wondering what mood he was in that day, no more ups and downs controlled by his actions, no more revolving around what he was thinking / feeling / wanting that day. I missed him, but I didn't miss any of those feelings. I am FA, and I did / have detached on some level from the pain but the truth is that I was very in love with this guy - maybe more than I have ever been with anyone because he felt "like me" in a way no one else ever had and that made me feel very much like I was at home or with my right match. I really miss the way that felt. today, I felt the sadness really hit me hard and I've cried a lot about it. No desire to talk to him or reach out (what for?!) but I felt the loss in a big way today. The space and NC though has allowed me space to leave the avoidant / anxious dance for long enough to begin to care for my own wounds from this relationship. Life is not fair sometimes...it'd be easier if people could just fall in love it it'd be okay, but that's not the way it is! It might be that this person who feels like home to me is just the last person on earth who is good for me. I think it will take a long time to unravel it all, but the NC is at least giving me the space to do that. Every time I talked to him before it was like being sucked back into it from square one. I don't have the strength to hold my boundaries with this man, because he triggers me. Yeah, this is helpful and good to read. I do not think I have any strength to hold up boundaries with him. He is totally careless in how he treats me which makes how I treat myself all the more important. |
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Post by Jaeger on Feb 16, 2018 0:34:27 GMT
Maybe it helps to tell you this... Going no contact, truly, in the sense that I KNOW he isn't going to contact me anymore felt really scary, but then once it was happenning it felt like a relief. No more wondering what mood he was in that day, no more ups and downs controlled by his actions, no more revolving around what he was thinking / feeling / wanting that day. I missed him, but I didn't miss any of those feelings. I am FA, and I did / have detached on some level from the pain but the truth is that I was very in love with this guy - maybe more than I have ever been with anyone because he felt "like me" in a way no one else ever had and that made me feel very much like I was at home or with my right match. I really miss the way that felt. today, I felt the sadness really hit me hard and I've cried a lot about it. No desire to talk to him or reach out (what for?!) but I felt the loss in a big way today. The space and NC though has allowed me space to leave the avoidant / anxious dance for long enough to begin to care for my own wounds from this relationship. Life is not fair sometimes...it'd be easier if people could just fall in love it it'd be okay, but that's not the way it is! It might be that this person who feels like home to me is just the last person on earth who is good for me. I think it will take a long time to unravel it all, but the NC is at least giving me the space to do that. Every time I talked to him before it was like being sucked back into it from square one. I don't have the strength to hold my boundaries with this man, because he triggers me. Yeah, this is helpful and good to read. I do not think I have any strength to hold up boundaries with him. He is totally careless in how he treats me which makes how I treat myself all the more important. I think for both of you, NC is a good way to come to the realization that you've been the ones with the power all along... Not that you want it, but it is so, nonetheless. |
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Post by yasmin on Feb 16, 2018 0:37:14 GMT
Yeah, this is helpful and good to read. I do not think I have any strength to hold up boundaries with him. He is totally careless in how he treats me which makes how I treat myself all the more important. I think for both of you, NC is a good way to come to the realization that you've been the ones with the power all along... Not that you want it, but it is so, nonetheless. I think this is exactly it. You suddenly realise all the pain and confusion would be over if you simply said "stop". Like Dorothy with the red slippers you realise you could have done it all along. I am slowly getting there Kristy, slowly, slowly! |
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Post by Jaeger on Feb 16, 2018 0:40:21 GMT
I think for both of you, NC is a good way to come to the realization that you've been the ones with the power all along... Not that you want it, but it is so, nonetheless. I think this is exactly it. You suddenly realise all the pain and confusion would be over if you simply said "stop". Like Dorothy with the red slippers you realise you could have done it all along. I am slowly getting there Kristy, slowly, slowly! Now I find myself wondering what you two look like in red slippers... And wishing that I had a brain 😁 |
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Post by yasmin on Feb 16, 2018 0:41:20 GMT
Ha ha ha, I am wishing I was on a tropical island!!
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Post by kristyrose on Feb 16, 2018 0:43:46 GMT
I think for both of you, NC is a good way to come to the realization that you've been the ones with the power all along... Not that you want it, but it is so, nonetheless. I think this is exactly it. You suddenly realise all the pain and confusion would be over if you simply said "stop". Like Dorothy with the red slippers you realise you could have done it all along. I am slowly getting there Kristy, slowly, slowly! and yasmin -- thank you both! will keep going... |
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Post by Jaeger on Feb 16, 2018 0:48:40 GMT
Ha ha ha, I am wishing I was on a tropical island!! It's just a plane ride away. There are some rooms left 😂 So sad there are no attachments possible here (if you'll pardon the pun), or I'd have tormented you all with pictures before gleefully fleeing the scene! |
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Post by Jaeger on Feb 16, 2018 0:51:24 GMT
I think this is exactly it. You suddenly realise all the pain and confusion would be over if you simply said "stop". Like Dorothy with the red slippers you realise you could have done it all along. I am slowly getting there Kristy, slowly, slowly! and yasmin -- thank you both! will keep going... You're both so much stronger than you think. You'll be fine if you start really listening to yourself. The core bits, that is, not the surface clutter. |
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Post by kristyrose on Feb 16, 2018 1:00:48 GMT
You're both so much stronger than you think. You'll be fine if you start really listening to yourself. The core bits, that is, not the surface clutter. I'm going to really try and stick with who I know I am, not what this crazy fool has made me believe! And you can add pics if you like  |
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Post by Jaeger on Feb 16, 2018 1:03:57 GMT
You're both so much stronger than you think. You'll be fine if you start really listening to yourself. The core bits, that is, not the surface clutter. I'm going to really try and stick with who I know I am, not what this crazy fool has made me believe! And you can add pics if you like View AttachmentWhat?!?! Is this a desktop only thing or am I just completely missing it on my phone? |
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Post by kristyrose on Feb 16, 2018 1:05:57 GMT
I'm going to really try and stick with who I know I am, not what this crazy fool has made me believe! And you can add pics if you like View AttachmentWhat?!?! Is this a desktop only thing or am I just completely missing it on my phone? Desktop thing |
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Post by yasmin on Feb 16, 2018 1:07:12 GMT
Come on now, I want to see pics of your hotel room now.
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Post by Jaeger on Feb 16, 2018 1:14:25 GMT
Whoop Whoop! You can actually switch to desktop mode! The book is actually 'Attached', believe it or not! 😁 Attachments:
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Post by yasmin on Feb 16, 2018 1:16:53 GMT
Oh my gosh that looks amazing!!!!! I'd be in the pool, not on my phone!
Attached: Oh the irony....
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Post by Jaeger on Feb 16, 2018 1:21:57 GMT
Oh my gosh that looks amazing!!!!! I'd be in the pool, not on my phone! Attached: Oh the irony.... That's where I had just been. There's a spot left. Let's see if you can find out where to go 😁 Attachments:
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