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Post by yasmin on Feb 16, 2018 1:56:38 GMT
Curacao!
Give me about ten hours...
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Post by kristyrose on Feb 17, 2018 17:47:47 GMT
Hi everyone,
Just checking in. I'm slowly starting to feel better, I don't know if it's temporary but I will take it for now. :-)
I have been ruminating and thinking that my ex never loved me, he said he did not, but could not understand why he would stay with me for almost 3 years. I read through my old journals and I saw how I struggled so much even during the peak of our relationship and never really knew where I stood with him. I felt his uncertainty at times, then I felt him relax into our union, making plans for us to meet his family... but then, more pulling away. Reading my journal helped in a way, because it reminded me that not only was I unhappy and anxious majority of the time, it appears so was he. He is not capable of being close.
I think these reminders are helpful in my healing, because I keep blaming myself and I keep thinking he will find someone, fall madly in love and change.
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Post by yasmin on Feb 17, 2018 18:00:45 GMT
That's great Kristy.
Remember "love" is a verb, so often the love you receive says much more about your partners capacity / choice to give it than it does about how much they like you.
You are probably more loving to a stranger or a dog than some people are to their spouse. It's relative.
Please don't think thoughts about him never loving you. It again puts out there the idea that your inherent worth is determined by any of this.
Instead say. .."he was with me for three years and although I was very loving to him, he often didn't return it the same way".
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Post by kristyrose on Feb 17, 2018 18:35:37 GMT
Thank you, Yasmin.
This helps a lot
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2018 22:36:01 GMT
Hi everyone, Just checking in. I'm slowly starting to feel better, I don't know if it's temporary but I will take it for now. :-) I have been ruminating and thinking that my ex never loved me, he said he did not, but could not understand why he would stay with me for almost 3 years. I read through my old journals and I saw how I struggled so much even during the peak of our relationship and never really knew where I stood with him. I felt his uncertainty at times, then I felt him relax into our union, making plans for us to meet his family... but then, more pulling away. Reading my journal helped in a way, because it reminded me that not only was I unhappy and anxious majority of the time, it appears so was he. He is not capable of being close. I think these reminders are helpful in my healing, because I keep blaming myself and I keep thinking he will find someone, fall madly in love and change. I'm glad you are feeling better. I think it's a common thought that an ex will be happy with someone else and suddenly be the better person you wanted. I think the thought should be changed to you will be happy with someone else, and you will be the changed (better) person in your next relationship. You will have learned from this, and fall madly in love with the (better for you) person. The good traits of your ex can be found in another person with the added plus that you will be getting additional good traits that your ex never had. |
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Post by yasmin on Feb 17, 2018 22:58:18 GMT
Yes absolutely @mary. Anyway Kristy if he does fall madly in love it'll likely be because she is unavailable in some way anyway!
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